I wrote this when we lost our little boy

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Deep within mummys heart

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Tiny feet and a little tiny nose
A face so sweet...
and a heart that glows
Little hands...
and cheeks so soft to touch
I never thought i could love someone...
So much!
You see...
a special baby
Lives on and on...
Always here...
Inside of his mum...

and even though...
Physically...
We are apart.
No one or nothing can ever...
Take you
From your mummys heart!

Late at night when i close my eyes
I see your face..
Close to mine
Your little eyes that i did not see
I can see right now...
Oh...
Your beautiful baby!
You look so content..
and look just as sweet
My heart fills with love...
Your so perfect to me

Ill keep all my dreams
and memories of you
Locked safely within me
Untill one day soon
When we will be together again
and you will be...
Always and forever...
...with your mummy.

jackie.r.rainger

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A Man In Grief

xx

It must be difficult
To be a man in grief
Since 'men dont cry' and 'men are strong'
No tears can bring relief.

It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test
and field calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.

They always ask if shes doing alright
and what shes going through
But seldom take his hand and ask
'My friend, but how are you?'
He hears her crying in the night
and thinks his heart will break
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But stays strong for her sake.

It must be very difficult to start each day anew
and try to be brave...
...He lost his baby too.


I came across this poem and thought it was nik all over.
He has been so strong for me, i dont know if i would have made it this far if it wasnt for him.
He is my rock, my love, my life.
I can see hes hurting too though... i can see it in his eyes.
he lost his baby boy.... his heart is broken too.

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Douglas was born on thursday september 11th 08 at 24 weeks.
Id had a few problems during my pregnancy and unfortanatly my waters broke on the monday afternoon, 4 days before douglas was born.

Douglas was born 10:48am thursday 11th sept weighing 425g.
He was 33cm long.

When douglas was born (bum first) he suprised the midwives as he cried and managed to breath by himself for a while, which is very unusual for a baby of his age and size.

Douglas fought really really hard to stay here with his mummy and daddy.
When me and nik were speaking next to him we could see his little eyes flickering trying to open them. He was such a strong brave little boy.
We really believed deep in our hearts that our little baby was going to beat the odds and make it and one day come home with us and be with his family.

Then on the sunday morning things started going wrong.
By sunday night early hours monday morning things eventually became to much for our little angel.
They made sure our little douglas was as comfortable as possible and brought him through to us.

Douglas died sleeping peacefully in my arms at 03:32am.
I held onto douglas for hours. I would have held onto him for ever if i was able too...
Part of me died that night and my heart broke into peices.
I can not describe the pain we have felt not being able to bring our baby boy home with us and to think how hard our little angel tried so he could stay here with us.
Douglas should have been comming home to his mummy and daddy and 2 big brothers.
We love him and miss him more than words could ever describe.

Our little darling.

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A million times i have needed you
A million times i have cried
If love alone could have saved you
You would have never died
In life i loved you dearly
In death i love you still
In my heart you hold a special place
That no one will ever fill.







If we could have a lifetimes wish
A dream that would come true
We'd pray to god with all our hearts
For yesterday and you
A thousand words cant bring you back
We know because weve tried...
Neither will a thousand tears
We know because we'v cried...
You left behind our broken hearts
and happy memories too...
But we never wanted memories
We only wanted you.

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A lovely guy, marco did this for us in memory of douglas.
The swan represents an angelic being watching over douglas whilst he sleeps.
xx

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Even though douglas' stay here was very short he made a massive impact on our lives. As you can imagine, he is and always will be loved so much.
Even though he is no longer with us he is still part of us... he is still our son.

We want douglas to be remembered, to be remembered at christmas, on his birthday, at easter. Remembered on all the special occasions he should have got to see but will now never get the chance. We want to be able to speak about douglas whenever we choose, we want family and friends to speak to us about douglas, to say his name, to let us know he is missed... he is thought of... he is loved.

We have 3 sons, our parents have 3 grandsons, the same with all of our family...
Douglas is a nephew, douglas is a cousin, douglas is a great grandson, douglas is a grandson, douglas is a brother, douglas is our son... our third and youngest son.
Our baby boy who we love with all our heart.

So please, dont ever forget our baby.
xxx

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Another beautiful painting done by jess
This painting of douglas represents him being happy and content where he is now.
xxx

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An angel in the book of life
Wrote down our babies birth
and whispered as she closed the book...
Too beautiful for earth!

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Douglas' first christmas present from his mummy and daddy.

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